Denis Through The Drinking Glass
Written By: Gringo

Fatso! Put down the cupcake, stop playing nerd games, take a shower, get the hell out of your house and go see the sunshine!

Oh...wait...it's cold out there. Hmm. Okay, you can stay inside. And while there, if you're looking for time to kill then I would recommend looking up old emulators so that you can relive the experience of playing those crappy two-color computers from your childhood.

I had an Amstrad CPC 6128 growing up, and my addiction to that thing was one reason why I turned into a fat little porker of a child, more like a bowling ball with hair and eyes than an athletic kid. I also hated playing sports -- they tired my chubby frame -- and so I deliberately picked pursuits that required the least possible exercise.

But enough of that! Running an emulator lets you play games from your childhood, and some of them I still have fond memories of, including Seymour At The Movies, which I've reviewed previously on this site. Some were also not so good, such as Official Father Christmas, but even that had its own oddball charm.

One game that is neither good nor charming is Denis Through The Drinking Glass. It was actually made for a system known as the BBC Micro, and best of luck to you if you can find an emulator for it. If you can, you may want to search for other games than this one, because if you play it, you'll get nothing by anger in your brain.

You play Denis Thatcher, now-deceased husband of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. The game was made in the 1980s when Thatcher still reigned supreme in the UK, before those four children climbed into a cupboard, entered a forest somewhere near London and took down the ice queen.

This was the best image I could find for this article

Apparently Mr. Thatcher was seen as something of an alcoholic and the game reflects this with its vague central mission of staying (or getting) drunk.

That sounds like my type of game but the thing is just so DAMN CONFUSING. It's a typical old type-as-you-go adventure with a brief description of each room you enter using the compass directions of N, E, S and W. But the descriptions are written in often desperate rhymes, such as this particular gem:

Drip drip drop little bathroom tap,
Who'll put the new washer in?
Drip drip drop little bathroom tap,
Diluting the bosses gin

The problem with the game is that you're constantly being chased by Margaret Thatcher and she, without fail, catches you within five moves. There are zero hints about how to get around this, and no matter where you go, the game ends within one minute.

A highly frustrating experience, which I can sum up with this immature rhyme:

Denis Through The Drinking Glass
Rates, quite frankly, as really ass


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