Finger Lickin' Fun
If there are two things I enjoy in this world, it's playing Super Mario Bros. and eating KFC. So imagine the sheer feeling of Rawesome (that's Rad and Awesome TOGETHER! You may now pick up the piece of your mind that was just blown by this) when I found out about this little web game called Super Chick Sisters. It didn't take long before I realized that there was something odd about this particular game, maybe it was the ever constant presence of Colonel Sander's head on robot legs walking around or the various characters in each level that talked about the evil ways KFC treats its chickens but something was definitely going on.
Turns out it was made by Peta which would explain why a Peta flag replaces the KFC ones at the end of each level. You see the story is that while giving an interview about the cruel ways that chickens are killed before becoming delicious, Pamela Anderson is kidnapped by Colonel Sanders and taken to his evil KFC Chicken Processing Factory. This grabs the attention of Toad (yes, that Toad) and he alerts the Mario Bros. (lawsuits are fun to watch when they don't involve you). Unfortunately, they're unable to do anything because they've been playing the Wii too much so Mario sets out to see a doctor before rescuing Pam. This leaves the job to Nugget, a small chick with a red hat, and Chickette, a tall chick with a green hat, to take up the task of saving Pam from the Colonel.
The game itself is a 2d platformer where you travel around the maze-like levels collecting chickens and destroying…I guess I'll call them Sandroids (you‘re welcome, Peta, I expect my check in the mail). Scattered around each level are all too familiar "?" blocks that, when hit, give out chickens or tofu that'll make you character grow larger by eating it. There are five worlds in all and each one is populated by people ready to spew out Peta's "cold hard facts" about KFC thought up by their best and brightest Liberal Arts College dropouts. At the end of level five, you get to engage the Colonel (who's wearing a Bowser mask and piloting a crane Dr. Robotnik style) in a one-on-one battle to the finish.
As a web game, it'd actually be not that bad if it weren't for them shoveling their bullshit beliefs down the player's throat through the guise of a Nintendo game. The graphics are pretty good and while the characters look sort of bland from a design standpoint, I have to say that the Colonel looks awesome, too bad you can't play as him. Speaking of Nintendo, Mario and other characters show up throughout the game during cutscenes in which Mario is beaten up by protestors who love turtles, slapped by Peach for having a picture of Pam and beaten up again by Yoshi because the protestors from before told him to and he's a retard.
After finishing the game, you're given a special password that let's you play as Pam but other than falling on people's dicks and wearing out her welcome, she plays like the other characters. If you want to give her a shot, the password is "gopam" because "hepatitis" may have been too big a word for their vegetarian audience.
After playing through, I looked around the site but couldn't find any reference to Nintendo or something along the lines of using their characters with consent so I can't wait to see what happens. $20 says Peta pusses out and removes the game or claims it's parody, which it is anything but. Nintendo's current president, Reggie Fils-Aime, claims to like kicking ass and taking names so I fully expect him to do so here while biting down on a bucket of original recipe.
All this typing about KFC kind of made me hungry...think I'll go and give some of those chickens a proper, extra crispy, sendoff. THANKS FOR THE IDEA, PETA!
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