Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles
Review By: Gringo

Watching this, the third in the unnecessarily long Crocodile Dundee series, is a strange experience. For an hour-and-a-bit I sat emotionless, staring blankly at the screen as the movie carried on. It's like having a real-time lobotomy without the anaesthetic.

I can't bitch about the movie, because I didn't really hate it. I can't say I liked the movie, because I couldn't really care less about it. It's just there. The plot (because all movies must have one, however flimsy) revolves around Mick Dundee's woman Sue going to Los Angeles to run one of her father's newspapers. While there, she investigates strange dealings at a small movie studio. Probably along the lines of "Hmm! I wonder why someone greenlit a third movie?!?! I SMELL CONSPIRACY!".

As you can probably guess, Mick Dundee gets involved in the whole scam and some stuff happens before it's all revealed there was an art-smuggling operation going on. I think. Sadly (or gladly), it's all pretty forgettable, so this is going to be one of my shortest reviews...ever! Just a few paragraphs of suck instead of the usual monstrosities. So...all the things that annoyed me about the first two movies aren't really present this time round.

Even Linda Kozlowski, who was perhaps the biggest irritant of the first two movies, doesn't really offend me this time round. Back when the first two were made, she had this insipid tone that sounded like she was suffering a bad cold. Well, she's clearly been on the decongestant, because for once she seems quite normal. In fact, quite bland.

That's the problem with Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles; it's terminally bland. It's not dull - I sat through the thing in one sitting, and can't do that if a movie causes my brain to swell with hatred - but it's not exciting. In a way, it's upsetting, because I don't get to pepper my review with words like "cunts", "clownboats" and "shitshoes". I also love adding words like shitshoes to Microsoft Word's in-built dictionary. Hint: I need to get out more.

Anyway, yes, this movie! Watch it if you want, don't if - uh - you don't want, but don't tell me. I don't really care either way. Having said that, there is a scene with a monkey, and as any right-minded individual will tell you, it's impossible to hate a movie with a monkey.


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