Catwoman
Review By: Joe

HAHAHAHAHA! I haven't seen this! It isn't out yet! I'm not going to see it! Maybe I will some day for a larf but not anytime soon. It will probably go just above The Shawshank Redemption on the Movies I Need See Yeah list.

Even though it isn't out yet, this movie has been getting a lot of FLAK as we say in the business of frontology, which is the science of frontin'.

APPARENTLY, the origins of Catwoman have been changed completely from what they were in the comic book. I wouldn't know this really, nor would I particularly care! However, Catwoman is, in this movie, evidently revived by a magical Egyptian cat or something and given powers FOR NO REASON AT ALL. Sounds cutting edge!

I would certainly have sex with Halle Berry, based completely on physical attraction, yes I would, but not based on acting ability! Or on sensible career moves! My! Look at the shit she's been in! Gothika (OH MY GOD GOTHIKA IS GARBAGE)! X-Men 2 where tornados solve ALL OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS??? That other movie...uh...B.A.P.S.! Holy crow! Have any of you actually seen B.A.P.S.!? My word!

I don't care if Halle Berry won an Oscar! The Oscar committee guys were like:

"Look we have to give it to a negress eventually. People are starting to talk."
"Why not Halle Berry? White people find her sexy too!"
"Yes."

Look, I know, okay? Besides the Oscars are null and void after awarding TITANIC, TITANIC, TANTICAN.

Anyway, this movie has received more flak for looking like utter crap and I have to say that it really does just look BAD. I can't remember the last time I've seen a movie commercial that made me think "Wow! I can't see how this would look good to ANYBODY!" I mean sure S.W.A.T. is trash but I can still see idiots finding it exciting. The only reason this movie is worth anything is that Halle Berry spends all her time in a naughty, skimpy cat suit that is more like a rag as it is full of rips all over the place. I think it's ripped even before she gets into fights that involve ripping. How protected can you be from evil with a suit all ripped like that? Sexiness cannot protect you from everything...OR CAN IT? I guess I should see this movie after all!

The only reason I really wanted to talk about this wonderful film is that I saw one commercial for it that made me laugh a whole lot and that could possibly lead to me seeing it some time from now for joke purposes. Sharon Stone is, evidently, the evil lady in this movie. I don't know what she does except wear mannish business suits and be evil nondescriptly.

Anyhow, the scene involves Sharon about to shoot Halle and Halle pulling some SEXUAL acrobatics and whipping the gun STRAIGHT OUT of Sharon's hot hands! The dialogue between the two is as follows.

Sharon: "Now I can kill you!"
Halle's whip: *WHUP-WAKASH!*
Halle: "Oops! Mah bad!"

HAHAHAHA! So brilliantly written. If anyone wants to see the movie and tell me if the dialogue matches up to this caliber, I would appreciate it and would send you...THIS REVIEW IS OVER!!!!


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