In Good Company
Review By: Gringo

Hey, conservatives!

Yeah, you! If you're worried about the future of the country, with President Hillary Rodham Clinton turning people gay, homos marrying in deepest Mississipi, fairies swarming in cities faster than religious extremists round a bag of explosives, then stop campaigning with your banners and shirts that say "GOD HATES FAGS!". Mostly because printing matching banners and shirts is a pretty gay thing to do, but partly because the movies are the real source of naughty.

For your consideration I would like to offer In Good Company as an example of how Hollywood is helping to subtly (or not so subtly) infiltrate the minds of young men everywhere and turn on to lustful thoughts about other men so overwhelming that they might actually find episodes of Will & Grace watchable. In this supposed family movie, Dennis Quaid plays Dan Foreman, a pleasant-enough seeming man approaching his 50s. He works at a sports magazine, has a wife, Ann (some actress), and a daughter Alex (Scarlett Johansson). Dan's life is thrown upside down like a cat getting smacked upside the head and tossed off a balcony when a 20-something asshead called Carter Duryea becomes Dan's boss and at the same time starts dating his daughter. Conflict in three handy acts coming right up, senor!

But peel back the layers of this movie and it quickly becomes clear that Dan's just hankering for a daddy-son relationship of the sexual kind with Carter. First of all, Dan works at a sports magazine. Everyone knows that the world of sports is extremely homoerotic. In fact, it's so well known I don't even have to justify the rest of this particular argument. Yes, I got out of that one well.

In addition, Dan called his daughter Alex. This sexually ambigious name clearly indicates that Dan didn't want a daughter. Instead, he wanted a boy he could raise to be the next young puppy to trade around his 50-something-year-old leather daddies on quiet weekends.

Also, Carter's surname sounds somewhat like diarrhea. Someone immature could think that diarrhea is something homosexuals get because of all the bottom poundings that they take. Of course, I'm not immature enough to go down that route. Maybe later.

The movie attempts to show us that Dan is really, genuinely, a 100% macho guy by having his wife Ann fall pregnant. By the way, the phrase "fall pregnant" is just dumb. It's not as if the woman trips over, lands on a penis and says "Oof! A pregnancy for sure now!". Anyway, notice this dialogue:

Dan Foreman: You're Pregnant? Holy crap! Does it feel like a boy?
Ann Foreman: Right now it feels like the stomach flu.

Once again, notice Dan's completely selfish view of the world: boys are good. We love boys, oh yes we do. And Dan asks his wife whether the baby feels like a boy because Dan already has intimate knowledge of what a boy feels like. By contrast, his wife is clued in to Dan's secret gay life and makes a subtle dig, comparing Dan's desire for boys with the stomach flu. Regardless of the fact that the two words stomach flu make no sense put together in the same sentence, Ann's obviously making subtle digs to that "gay disease" AIDS, because her conservative views lead her to think that boys + boys = illness always.

It quickly becomes clear that Dan really likes Carter. Dan gets very angry very quickly when he finds out that Carter is dating his daughter Alex. But it's not because of the "you're dating my boss" conflict. Oh no! It's because Dan wanted Carter for himself, and to him, his daughter represents the dark side, leading a virgin backside away from nights shaking at nightclubs with names like The Cock, The Pounder and The Whimsy Den.

Dan's homosexual tendencies are on show throughout the movie. For example, while his daughter is on the phone to some male hustler or something like that, Dan interrupts the call by saying:

Dan Foreman: Hello, this is Mr. Foreman. If you give my daughter an alcoholic beverage or a joint, I will hunt you down and neuter you.

Clearly, this is further proof that Dan has an overriding interest in male genitals, and having the ability to touch those genitals. I mean, he even talks about hunting a guy down. That's how much he wants to take a walk on the wild side.

But the two biggest clues about the gay factor 20 of this movie are so obvious as to make you a dumdum for not realizing them. Firstly, when Dan takes Carter home (hint, hint) to have dinner with his family (trying to get them to accept buttlove as a social norm, in other words), Dan makes a Top Gun reference by accepting the role as Carter's "awesome wing man". Recall the dialogue between Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise's characters in Top Gun that "You can be my wing man anytime". Both movies use the term "wing man" as a reference to either being the top or bottom in a male-only sexual situation, depending on who has the bottle of lube.

Still don't believe me? Well, you're a prick. But the second of the biggest clues comes right at the end of the movie. Carter quits his job and moves back to California (a liberal pinky homo state) and breaks up with Alex, thereby abandoning all hope of a normal heterosexual relationship. But Carter is regularly updated on the lives of the Foremans. By who? By Alex? Hell no! By Dan! That's right: the homolover is the only one who keeps calling Carter, regardless of the fact they're no longer working together and are the width of an entire country apart.

It's fairly obvious that despite the apparent lack of a Hollywood happy ending (i.e. Carter doesn't get the girl), there is a true happy ending there in terms of what the gay underbelly of Hollywood considers one to be. Dan, by keeping in touch with Carter, has a base in West Hollywood to go on "business trips" for weeks at a time, hook up with his boytoy and then scuttle back home to his wife and kids only slightly less able to walk comfortably than when he left.

You want more evidence? One of the characters in this movie is called Enrique Colon. A COLON CONNECTS TO THE BUTT!

This website is © 2001-2008 Listen To Me. All pictures, sounds and other stuff which doesn't belong to us is © its respective owner(s). Everything else is a free-for-all. Steal anything we created (as if you'd ever want to) and we'll...well, we probably won't be motivated to do anything. But you never know. And yes, that is Colonel Sanders throwing a punch at this copyright notice. SMACK