Battle Royale
Review By: Jeff

OH MY FJDLALDKVNBOOOWEIRYYGUIONSNERTERGS'N GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BATTLE ROYALE IS DA BESTEST MOVIE IN ALL DA SUPERVERSE!!!!!!! 1111! Or so I've read.

So, I'm sitting around at a friends house sometime last year and he ask me if I've seen Battle Royale and I'm all like, "no", to which he responds, "Well then, it sucks to be you...UNTIL NOW!!" Then, like the magic of those dirty gypsies of the east lands, he produces a copy that he got from a friend who got it from another friend who got it from some guy that sells bootleg movies in Chicago. ANYWAY, it turned out be an enjoyable experience that I will remember until it's long forgotten. I didn't want to bother myself with googling down actual pictures from the film so I'm just going to use these sprite from the various Kunio games seeing as they kind of fit in with the theme of the movie.

BUT WHAT'S IT ABOUT, FIDDY? It's like watching an episode of Degrassi High where the topic is "Field Trip Death Matches". You see, in the year 20XX teenagers suck on an astronomical scale so in order to relieve the stress they cause on the rest of the country, the Japanese government instituted the "Battle Royale Act" in which all 9th grade classes are entered in a lottery and, if they win, are sent to an island where they have to kill each other for BIG CASH, BIG PRIZES! Ok, that part is a lie, the only thing the winner gets is the privilege of rejoining society and continuing to live, which is always a plus.

The lottery winner of this year is Class B from SHIRO IWA Junior High. All 42 students (21 boys, 21 girls) are given a bag containing food, water, a med kit and a random item or weapon. Once a student walks outside of the main building, the game begins and they have 3 days to become the last person standing otherwise they all die thanks to the explosive collars that have been placed around their necks. They're free to play the game anyway they want whether it be teaming up, going solo or just offing themselves it doesn't really matter as long as it makes for good TV.

Of course the all-around good guy hero of the movie, Shuya Nanahara, tries to convince others that they don't have to fight and can join together to overthrow the people responsible for their situation. Unfortunately everyone else is busy trying not to get killed by the more "into it" students so instead, Shuya spends all his time trying to keep his girlfriend, Noriko Nakagawa, alive.

I'm not going to lie to you here; I didn't give a damn about the characters relationships with each other. I just wanted to see more people getting wasted and while they didn't show everybody getting' it, they did update the viewers on who had died every six hours which I felt was a nice touch. However, the deaths that were shown were very entertaining to watch and while I'm usually against Multi-Kill scenes, I didn't mind the ones in this film.

I'm missing a lot of stuff from this movie because I'm going on a year old memory here and haven't bothered myself to track down an import copy to refresh it in my head. But, I do know that it is worth a watch if you ever get the chance to see it, if not for the stupid as hell Basketball game flashbacks then to watch Japanese students kill each other in their school uniforms, just like in real life.


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