DOOM
Review By: Joe

Well, this is certainly a silly enough little movie. See, I am a loser so I have this tradition to keep of seeing video game films in the theater right when they come out. I haven't been entirely faithful to it. I didn't see Alone in the Dark and I don't think I ever saw Double Dragon either but the cover of that one looks very promising, especially considering a guy from Party of Five is in it. Anyway, DOOM (which I am going to type in CAPS because I think it's right) isn't very good. BIG SURPRISE.

The movie is based SORT OF BUT NOT REALLY on Doom 3 the game which is really just DOOM the game but with better graphics and a flashlight and a story that is told throughout it rather than just with some text at the beginning and end that Adrian Carmack made up off the top of his head. Anyway, I played very little of Doom 3 and more of all those old Dooms that were all exactly the same so the only story I know of is something about hell and shooting and a face that gets bloody and looks left and right when someone shoots at it.

The monsters in this movie didn't look like monsters from the old Doom games so I hated them :(.

You know, I don't feel there's much to say about this film. It's not worth spending money on to see in a theatrical situation. If you are really curious, what is your deal? Also, just rent it.

This is about what it comes down to:

This movie did not scare me. This movie did not EXCITE me. As for the plot, it does do something UNEXPECTED WOAH instead of doing the cliché action movie thing all the way through although it won't be anything new to those of you well-versed in the ways of CUBE. There's even a line of dialogue that makes reference to what a TWIST it is they have pulled on you. How cute! Also, there are parts in the film where you get to watch people shoot already dead bodies. If that sounds comical/fun/sexual/jonesy to you, make yourself a friend and get down to dat ol' cinema! Nah, just rent it still.

Oh, and as for the FIRST-PERSON PERSPECTIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! part that has pretty much been the only claim to fame this film has, it's not cool. I saw the trailer and I said "That looks pretty silly." Other people (idiots) said, "WOW HOW COOL FOR AFTER SCHOOL!" What is your deal, idiot? Don't you have common sense? Can't you see how it ISN'T that cool? Anyway, I didn't expect it to be great and, WHAT YOU KNOW, it wasn't.

I suppose the transition into the sequence was done a little better than the scenario I thought up of The Rock turning to the audience and screaming, "NOW WE ARE GOING INTO FIRST PERSON MODE!!!" but that's about where the positives end. Did it make me feel like I was IN CONTROL OF THE ACTION?!?? No, not really. It just moved very fast, making it kind of hard to see at times. Playing the game, however, works pretty well for that. So that's what you should do. I mean, unless you really like The Rock or something. In which case you're stupid anyway, so it's all cool.

This wasn't really even a very BAD movie, it was just stupid and largely uninteresting. There are like three good lines in it, though, one about a monkey. So...keep an ear open for that one.


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