The Queen
Review By: Gringo

I'm a sweet guy, really.

See, sometimes I care about this site's visitors. Sometimes. Count yourself lucky - I say yourself, because I know there's only ever going to be one person at a time reading this - that today is one of those Care Bear days when I want to look after you.

I know you're busy.

I know you have a busy work life. I know it's going to be another full day at the office for you, what with idling away time at work on e-mail and instant messaging while you shirk responsibilities. Somehow, you manage to do a bare minimum and pass the buck to your other, more responsible coworkers, yet you're still remarkably one of the most vocal about what a rough day you've had.

I know you have a busy social life. I know that juggling visits to thrift stores where you can buy ugly-ass clothes that don't fit, just so you can look like a hipster metrosexual fuckwit, is important and consumes a lot of time. I know that. Don't forget to buy some glasses, even though there's nothing wrong with your vision.

I know you have a busy love life. I know that you have to hurry home to be with some guy you have stuck under your thumb, someone you tell that nothing is wrong, even though you're a ball of hate that will explode within 48 hours and chastise the same guy for not being able to perceive what was wrong. It's fine, I understand.

I know that you have a busy party life. I mean, who wouldn't feel pressured having to go to a bunch of house parties where 20-somethings can sit around with their ill-informed opinions? Who doesn't get stressed having to deal with people who aren't dressed the right way and oh my, can you believe that person actually wants to date that other person, isn't it terrible? And of course it's not hypocritical for you to turn your nose up at an inebriated fool, because there's no way that a few hours later you're going to be that girl standing outside a club on a freezing street, drunk out of your fucking skull, tears making the mascara run down your face while your boyfriend stands uncomfortably close, saying in his meathead jock manner "she meant nothing to me" all the while his rowdy fat fuck friend chomps on a jumbo slice of pizza nearby. Of course not. That won't be you.

I know that you have a busy political life. I know that you can't believe the Republicans have been in power so long and we really need to vote them out. I know that you are very liberal in everything, so it doesn't matter that you ignore homeless people and don't donate to charity because, hey, at least you vote Democratic, right? Eventually someone on your side will help the people you pass by. What's that? You talk it up and take part in hip protests, yet you fail to make it to the polls? And you don't try and encourage others to vote either? I understand. You're busy. We all are.

Taking all that understanding into account, I am going to keep this review brief. I hope you appreciate that as much as I appreciate you. Ready? Okay, let's go.

The Queen is a good movie.

Love,
Gringo


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