300
Review By: Joe

300 (Three-Hundred) is a movie that got made because Sin City did well enough to warrant doing more movies based on Frank Miller comics. I don't particularly care about Frank Miller and have pretty much decided I don't need to read his stuff because, thanks to the precedent set by Robert Rodriguez, the films that use his work as a basis feel like they follow so friggin' closely to the source material, that reading them at this point seems fairly fruitless. Not to mention the fact that his subject matter isn't, in my opinion, particularly groundbreaking.

Case in point, 300 is as cool as its fight scenes and beyond that I don't give a dongle. All you really need for the plot is this: the Persians want to enslave the Spartans. The Spartans disagree and therefore decide to kill a lot of the Persians. That's it! Plot is done faster'n you can microwave a Pop Tart!! I suggest you go to this movie with a friend when you are sleepy and just have them wake you up during the battle scenes. Although I will admit the one part where the queen did something cool was cool (and the only chink in the armor of manpower that is 300).

Anyway, I thought the style employed in Sin City was very cool. This is a variation on it and it's not as good because, instead of an overall dark look, the director opted to make everything look bright and kind of washed out. I personally just didn't like it a lot of the time and also, because things weren't all dark, I thought it made it easier to tell the actors weren't actually part of their environments. I did like the cartoony blood effects they used, though. They worked well and looked nifty, although they also made things far less cringe-inducing.

I'm also not a big fan of the fact that this movie seems to be a celebration of the half-naked male form, especially after being spoiled with Black Snake Moan, a celebration of the mostly naked Ricci form. There's even transsexuals and feminine men all over the place in this one. I mean, I'm not saying all movies should play to the desires of the hetero male population, I'm just saying if you want me to look at that much man meat, you should counteract it with some tits. Haven't these guys even seen porn? That's how porn works. Bottom line: all movies should play to the desires of the hetero male population.

Lately, a lot of movies have been coming out that I thought were really cool plot-wise. This breaks the trend because any time dialogue started happening in the film I wanted to go home. I actually thought I was gonna just full-on hate it early on because it was so full of itself and was taking itself so seriously, but then a bunch of people got killed and then some humor got injected into the mix, so I was appeased. People have apparently been making comparisons between this film and the war in Iraq. Uh, I guess, except both sides seem to be America.

The fighting in this movie is pretty cool. Some of the theater cleared out right after it was apparent that the final battle was over and I don't blame them because it was just a bunch of silly story after that. Somebody should just put all the battle scenes together and put it up on YouTube. Also, they should photoshop trenchcoats over all the men and insert pole dancing strippers in the background. You have your assignment, Internet. Now get the hell out of my office.


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