Transformers
Review By: Joe

'SPLOSIONS
A Michael Bay Film

FADE IN:

EXT. A PLACE

A place. There is a road. This is important because the cars are going to come down it very fast. We hear a SOUND. It is the cars.

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

CUT TO:

EXT. AVERAGE SCHOOL HIGH SCHOOL

An average high school. There are children here. Grass too, probably. FREDDY MCCOOLSAUCE, a young man, is talking to his BLACK FRIEND.

EXTREME CLOSE-UP OF FREDDY!!!

                                 FREDDY
                       Sometimes I just think
                       my life is not great because
                       there isn't action?

Black Friend gestures wildly and pretty much screams his lines. ALWAYS.

EXTREME CLOSE-UP OF BLACK FRIEND!!!!!

                                 BLACK FRIEND

                       What! You are a crazy
                       white boy! My grandmomma
                       don't like me havin' no
                       action! I about to slap you!

ECU FREDDY!!!!

                                 FREDDY
                       That's a good point, BF. You
                       are always a good point.
                       (can be rewritten during filming,
                        but this is the gist)

Just then...

'SPLOSION!!!!!

ECU 'SPLOSION!!!!!!!!

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE PLACE WHERE THE HOT GIRL IS STANDING

A place. This is a good place for a hot girl to stand and, what do you know, the HOT GIRL is standing there. Freddy parachutes in because it looks cooler to do that.

ECU HOT GIRL!!!!!!

                                 HOT GIRL
                       Wow! Hello! Who are you?!

ECU FREDDY!!!!!!!!!

                                 FREDDY
                       The name is Freddy! But you
                       can call me Fred because it
                       is less syllables and therefore
                       MORE ACTION!!! What's your name?!

ECU HOT GIRL'S TITS!!!!!!!

                                 HOT GIRL
                       That's not important!!

ECU FREDDY!!!!!!!!

                                 FREDDY
                       You're right!

ECU HOT GIRL'S ASS!!!!!!!

                                 HOT GIRL
                       Did you hear the 'splosion
                       earlier?!?

ECU FREDDY!!!!

                                 FREDDY
                       Hear it!? I was adjacent to
                       it and my life got flipped,
                       turned upside-down as a direct
                       result of it!!!

ECU HOT GIRL'S CAMEL TOE!!!!!!!!!!

                                 HOT GIRL
                       That is so interesting! Or
                       should I say actioning!!?
                       (NOTE: She should say
                       actioning.)

                       Please tell me mo-

Just then...

SEVERED HEAD COMES FLYIN' IN FROM NOWHERE!!!!!

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

During a break in action, we see Hot Girl and Freddy slowly reach toward each other and hold hands.

ECU HOT GIRL!!!!!!!!

                                 HOT GIRL
                       Maybe it is just my hormones
                       acting up as a result of all
                       this high-octane action, but
                       I have never met anyone like
                       you!

ECU FREDDY!!!!!!!!!

                                 FREDDY
                       Sure, why not?

They lean in to kiss.

Just then...

BLACK FRIEND SCREECHES TO A STOP IN A SOUPED UP [SPONSORSHIP PENDING] CAR!!!

ECU FREDDY!!!!!

                                 FREDDY
                       Aw! Why do you have to hate,
                       BF?

ECU BLACK FRIEND!!!!!!!

                                 BLACK FRIEND
                       Get in! They's no time to
                       explain!

Hot Girl and Freddy pile into the car FAST!

ECU BLACK FRIEND!!!!!!

                                 BLACK FRIEND (CONT'D)
                       Aw sheeeeyyt! Grandmomma
                       gon be pissed if'n I late
                       fo suppah!!!

The car screeches and speeds off! Fucking ROCK MUSIC kicks in!!!

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

CUT TO:

INT. SECRET LAIR

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

CUT TO:

EXT. DESERT

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

CUT TO:

EXT. PLACE #2

Ass-rapingly rocktastic ROCK MUSIC kicks in!!!!

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

CUT TO:

INT. UNDERGROUND BASE.

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

                                 SUPERHACKER
                       I NEED SOME METAL WIRE AND
                       SOME CAT HAIR TO REVERSE
                       THIS POLARITY!!!!!

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

                                                         FADE TO BLACK.

FADE IN:

EXT. PICTURESQUE MOUNTAINTOP

ROMANTIC SEQUENCE. WILL IMPROVISE DURING FILMING.

ECU BLACK FRIEND!!!!!!

                                 BLACK FRIEND
                       Awwww dyyaaaammnnsnap!! Mah
                       boy Fred about to get a
                       little sumptin' sumptin'!!!

Black Friend's cell phone RINGS.

ECU BLACK FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 BLACK FRIEND (CONT'D)
                       Hello!? AWWW SHEETS!! I'm
                       sorry, grandmomma, I'm sorry!

URBAN DIALOGUE. SEE BLACK GAFFER.

Everybody LAUGHS.

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.

                                                              FADE OUT.

CREDITS.

ACTION SEQUENCE. SEE CGI SPECIALIST.


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