Juno
Review By: Gringo

Gringo note time! This marks the first of what may be many -- but will more likely be one -- Lazy LTM reviews. These bite-size reviews of 500 words or less help keep the site updated but require less effort than the monsters we usually inflict on you. Success! Also, I know that a Web site page can't technically be bite-size unless you eat your computer. On a more important note, hush up. On with the review!

D'you know, I dislike Juno.

Fine, that was a lousy attempt to be funny. But I really didn't enjoy the latest Jason Reitman movie. Who he? He be the son of Ivan Reitman, who anonymous Internet stories describe as something of a smug, arrogant cock. I don't know about that, but I do know this is a smug, arrogant movie.

Everything about this movie irritated me. It's a run of the mill story about a teenage girl getting pregnant, but sadly it's also a collection of snarky one-liners that don't sound genuine coming out of their characters' mouths, ridiculously obscure pop culture references aimed at making the thing cool, and repetitive, dreary hipster songs that are used far too often to link scenes together.

A genuine line from the movie: "Thundercats are go!"

The biggest problem I had with the movie is the central character. Juno (the girl who gets pregnant) is a hollow girl. Her life revolves around furiously masturbating her own ego by speaking in nothing but sarcastic quips to all and sundry. At first it might be amusing, but after a while she just comes across as kind of a smug, arrogant cunt. If an audience member hates the protagonist, that isn't usually a good thing unless the script saves the day. It doesn't.

Take away the "oh so realistic" dialog that critic clowns are raving about and what do you have? A fairly predictable so-called comedy about a cunt of a girl who doesn't seem to care about anyone, and a dilemma over whether she'll give up her bastard to some super-rich but deeply unhappy couple. Good times.

As for that dialog, the teenagers speaking in this movie don't sound like teenagers. They sound like some annoying late 20s hipster girl's impression of what teenagers sound and act like. Seriously, trying to make "Wizard" a new slang for "cool" is just bizarre. Having Rainn Wilson show up to call Juno "home skillet" is just nonsensical. The dialog isn't real, it sounds like what you might hear if you were unfortunate enough to be stuck in a locked room with a group of hipsters -- you know, the type of people who dream of living in NYC, but instead have to make do with their penchant for wacky hats, glasses they don't need to wear, and pretend interest in crap books, music and movies by authors, musicians and directors with unpronounceable names.

However, if you are that type of person, you'll probably love this movie. If you want authentic dialog, characters you can care about, and a storyline that veers away from the predictable, choose something else. Wizard!


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