Definitely Finally Yet Even More Life After Walt
Review By: Gringo

Is there possibly an uglier, less coherent title for an article on this Web site? Answers on a postcard!

In the interests of nostalgia, I've been browsing through the archives on this here LTM to see what articles I could easily rehash, or give the spin "Classic LTM" to spare having to write another update. Just so happens I stumbled across just what I was looking for in the form of some old reviews I wrote about Disney's various animated features.

The awkward title of this article stems from the fact that the first time round I reviewed four Disney movies in one piece, I called the thing Life After Walt and gave the article the hook that I would only write about Mouse House movies that came out after Walt was packed in ice, or melted to goo when he looked into the Ark of the Covenant, or whatever you want to believe about his fate. For no particular reason, I decided to keep the Life After Walt phrase in all subsequent articles on the subject, resulting in today's offense offering.

But enough wangdoodle about article titles. Just be grateful that, despite previous lies, this truly will be the last ever article in the Life After Walt series. I've just about run out of animated Disney movies to review, and quite frankly, the idea got old about round about 2003. So without further delay, let's go!

Fantasia. My hazy memories of this movie involve camp dancing rhinos (or elephants, Iím not sure. All I know is they were gray and wearing tutus) and a lot of famous melodies. Great. This movie draws my ire for a few reasons. Firstly, thereís no story arc, itís just a lot of random nicely animated things lumped together. Sure, vignettes can be great but here, well, no time for love Doctor Jones because itís not an overwhelmingly great production. The second reason this particular Disney production inspires rage can be seen on the poster to your right. See Mickey dressed up as the sorcererís apprentice? Hmm? Do you? That single image has spawned so many annoying plush dolls that have fed the all-devouring cash monster of Walt Disney © that it makes me cry. Kind of. What? You came here for Disney movie reviews? Instead I give you anti-capitalism rants. Viva The Motorcycle Diaries!

Home on the Range. Rather appropriately featuring Roseanne Barr as the voice of a fat cow. This is a very recent Disney production and made a long time after Walt either died or was frozen until Professor Farnsworth could come to the rescue and safely defrost him. It has a somewhat offbeat sense of humor which I think really works in their favor. There are plenty of sassy remarks sprinkled through the script, which tells the tale of three cows who set out to try and save their beloved farm from foreclosure. Cue what actually turns out to be a rather funny road trip (hoof trip?) across the Wild West, and wacky scenarios naturally ensue. The movie is deceivingly innocent and straightforward, but actually has a lot of clever jokes buried in there. You just have to lift up Roseanneís panis to find them. And yes, I meant ďpanisĒ not ďpenisĒ.

Cinderella. Either my Kinsey scale is veering dangerously toward the gay side or there is actually something resembling a child still inside me, because I honestly find this movie charming. And I mean a child inside me in the figurative sense -- not in either the pedophile or child-eater sense. Clear? Good. You know the story of Cinderella, and chances are youíve seen this movie too. If not, all you need to know is that this is what can truly be considered a Disney classic. The animation is beautiful, the script is well done, and even the songs are fun. So fun I even put the song named Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo on my iPod. Yes, I have Disney songs on my iPod. Now hush up! One night while standing three sheets to the wind on a subway platform I even found myself singing this song out loud. That was the same night my friend threw her shoe into the open window of a passing taxi, but thatís a story for another time. Suffice to say for now that this is one of the good Disney movies. Nice one, Walt!

Bambi. I thought I'd neatly tie up this series of reviews by writing about the movie that was apparently Walt Disney's favorite. See what a creative mind I have? Unfortunately itís time to be Debbie Downer and end things on a negative note by saying that I genuinely do not like this movie. Proving that I may indeed be somewhat mentally impaired and still think Iím a teenager, I rented this movie from Netflix not that long ago. Iím in my late 20s, people. Putting the DVD in I was soon subject to a very dull production involving a doe-eyed deer (zing!) staggering around and marveling at nature. And yes, Bambiís mother gets shot and dies. If I cared at all about the little animated creature I may have felt some lament at this, but in all honesty -- I know you come here for upright honest articles after all -- waiting for deer death was the only thing that kept me watching it. So this was your favorite, eh, Mr. Walt Disney? Then you sir have a poor taste in your own animated movies.

Well, that brings this intermittent series to a definite close. Thereís no way Iím writing something called All Right, Definitely Finally Yet Even More Life After Walt, and most of the animated features left to review can be summed up in one word: sucky.

Now, through the thin walls here I can hear my housemate and her obese boyfriend starting to fuck, so itís time to start screaming, get off the computer and leave the house. Before I go, hereís a run-down of all the previous Walt Disney articles, should you be (a) bored, (ii) morbidly curious or (3) both:

-- Life After Walt
-- More Life After Walt
-- Even More Life After Walt
-- Yet Even More Life After Walt
-- Finally Yet Even More Life After Walt


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