V for Vendetta
Review By: Gringo

Alphabet jokes are never funny.

Unless that delightful Cookie Monster is making whimsy with the A to Zs on Sesame Street, attempts to make fun of something using the alphabet will always fail. It's lazy humor, it's not good humor, and its use is a sign of poor writing skills.

Here is an entire article that is almost entirely one long alphabet joke.

V for Vendetta is based on a graphic novel that was somewhat a critique of Margaret Thatcher's British government, except set in a totalitarian Britain of the future, where religious extremism and bad teeth run rampant.

Amid the conformity is V, a guy with a very bad fringe who runs around in a mask blowing buildings up, a la Guy Fawkes -- quick history lesson: Fawkes was a pasty-faced chap who tried to blow up Parliament in the gunpowder plot. Our pal V rather likes the idea of exploding buildings to rock the government, and ends up crossing paths with a girl named Evey. The movie then revolves mostly around their relationship and whether she’s going to go along with V's agenda that some would could patriotism and others terrorism.

On with the review! I'm confident others have used the title V for Vendetta to come up with all kinds of hilarious reviews, such as "T for Tedious" or "A for Average." To outdo them, I shall now repeat that trick for every letter of the alphabet.

A for Ah, this seems like a somewhat dark and brooding movie, perhaps it'll be an insightful look into life under a totalitarian government.

B for But no! It's actually more of a straightforward action movie filmed mostly at night in a laz pass at creating an ominous atmosphere.

C for Creepy scenes set at night are all well and good, as long as the movie in question has the writing to back them up.

D for Disappointing then that this movie doesn't delve much deeper than helpfully explaining that bad guys are bad and good guys are...well, you can guess.

E for England! My home country, where this is set! Yay!

F for France. France does not feature in this movie. On a side note, Paris allegedly hates freedom so perhaps V would have done better to move over there.

G for Guns! Guns! Guns! Explosions are a key part of this movie, and yes, the special effects are pretty decent. One point to the movie.

H for Hugo Weaving, the actor playing V. Despite hiding behind a ghoulish Guy Fawkes mask for the entire movie, Weaving's charisma does shine through now and again. Good job.

I for I appear to be offering a schizophrenic review, alternating between the good, bad and ugly of this movie, so from J through to the end I'll try to stay negative.

J for John Hurt, who plays the evil leader of England. I don't have much to say other than at least in this movie he serves a purpose, unlike the pitiful mentalist that he played in the oh-so-underwhelming Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

K for Killing. There's lots of it in this movie. Next letter!?

L for Late review. I know this movie came out in 2006 and the comic book came out in the 1980s, but you need to keep quiet!

M for Movie adaptations of Alan Moore's work are never really that good. Another example than this movie is The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Not worth your time.

N for Natalie Portman, who plays Evey. She's pretty attractive, I guess. Though she reminds me of Keira Knightley, who I pretty much find one of the most annoying one-trick actresses on Earth.

O for Original material. As in, the graphic novel written by Alan Moore and illustrated by David Lloyd. A far, far superior piece of work -- trust me on this.

P for Politics, a key theme in this movie. Uh, moving on swifly.

Q for Questionable decisions. As in, the ones the movie takes in veering away from the source material. A gay television host character is thrown into the mix -- ooh, look, Britain under a dictator persecutes gays! -- and it doesn't enhance the original. If anything, it highlights why the graphic novel is a far better creation.

R for Right now, I want to be done with this review. It was a potentially good idea that turned bad very quickly.

S for Script. As in, the script for this movie is of much poorer quality than the graphic novel it's based on. The original has far more insight, more suspense and is just overall a greater offering.

T for Tube. As in, the London Underground. It plays a key role toward the end of the movie, but I don't want to spoil it if you haven't seen it -- though simply mentioning it gets me past another letter on the way to Z. Woohoo!

U for Umm...I'm struggling to finish this review.

V for Vendetta. You didn't notice the movie's title?

W for Woohoo! This thing is almost over. I promise not to do another review like this again. Well, this year, at least.

X for Xenophobia -- a "morbid dislike of foreigners" according to the Oxford Dictionary. This movie touches on this fear. Success!

Y for Yes, much like you, I'm ready for this review to be over.

Z for Zzzzzzz, the letters floating in the thought bubble above my head about an hour into this movie. Boy, those revolutionaries sure can talk. And talk. And talk.


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