Deathsport
Review By: El Harlock

This example of totally awful 70's sci-fi junk is considered by some to be a sequel to Deathrace 2000, or at least a follow-up. Well, where Deathrace 2000 was a fun guilty pleasure type of movie, starring David Carradine, that was set in a future earth where city states put on killing sports, Deathsport is a horridly poor rip-off of that film and Star Wars, with weak as hell special effects, no sense of fun at all, and a plot that just jumps all over the place, oh, and it also happens to star David Carradine.

I'm not going to try and even explain the plot in detail because the movie sure as hell can't. Let's put it this way: It involves motorbikes with sheet metal added to them, that have big flashlights mounted on their fronts that are supposed to be laser guns of some sort. These are supposed to be the big killing machines of the deathsport, but only really serve as something David Carradine can make 'splode. Carradine plays a "Range Guide", who has mystical powers. These range from detecting other Range Guides and not wearing much clothes at all.

Well, he's captured to fight in the deathsport against those lame motorcycles. I can't forget to mention that these motorcycles rip-off the sound effects from the TIE Fighters in Star Wars. In fact, sound effects from Star Wars and Star Trek can be heard through most of the film. Oh, and what would a movie about a future wasteland be without mutants? Ha! These "mutants" only visible mutations are having large fake-as-hell-looking plastic eyes! Other than that, they just look like hobos.

Okay, I lied, a bit more plot detail. There's this ex-Range Guide who wears all black because he's turned to the dark side (hhmmmmm....where have I seen that before?). He wants to kill David Carradine because he was beaten up by David Carradine's mother, or something. No, I'm serious.

If I recall correctly, David Carradine's mother was like the ultimate Range Guide. Actually, I think this ex-Range Guide was really kicked out because he likes to wear clothes and shave, which seems to be a big no-no in Range Guide social circles.

Oh, there's also the evil head of the city state (let's call him "The Mayor") who is slowly going insane from radiation poisoning. He seems like he should be the main bad guy, but really he's just a weird side plot put into there as an excuse to see naked women.

You see, The Mayor likes to put naked women into some sort of electro-disco wind chime thing that shocks said naked women to death. Yeah, well because irony is never dead, one of the naked women he tries to kill actually lures him into the damn thing and he ends up dying. Yes, instead of the radiation poisoning making him into the evil and clever insane villain, it made him into a dumbass.

As for the ex-Range Guide guy, well he gets killed in a very lame sword fight with David Carradine. Their swords are, like, made of see-thru plastic and make weird noises when they swoosh in the air or come into contact with each other. By the way, whose great idea was it to cast skinny, hairy, balding, ugly Carradine as an action hero? He looked more like one of the throw-away villains that a real action hero would kill without blinking. Couldn't they at least have put some clothes on him?

Oh, I suppose there was one positive thing about this film, and that was sexy ex-playmate Claudia Jennings getting naked. Man, she was one sexy woman. She' plays a Range Guide, too, but in her case the Range Guide dress code isn't a bad thing.


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