Weezer: Make Believe
Review By: Joe

HEY! Remember when Weezer was good?! Yes! It was on the first two albums AND THAT'S IT. It is time the internet knew this was true and obviously I am the one to believe. Did someone say BELIEVE?! WELL WHAT ABOUT MAKE BELIEVE, WEEZER'S NEW ALBUM?! OH! IT SUCKS!

Let's be fair here. I didn't expect this album to be any good. I just saw it in Best Buy and it was only like twelve bucks and I was curious as to just how terrible it could possibly be. Well, it about matches up to my expectations, except the lyrics are worse. Incidentally, I checked my receipt later and I think the cashier lady forgot to charge me for the album so don't blame me for continually supporting Weezer's crappy releases. Rather, I steal from them unknowingly! Ha! Hoo! Ok.

The Green Album was a butt heap and Maladroit was mostly poor but with a few "INTERESTING" tracks. "INTERESTING" doesn't necessarily mean good. It just means some of it was fairly different sounding for Weezer. I was much kinder to Maladroit in my old review (which you can go find on your own if you really, really want to) and, of the records released since Weezer started sucking (once again, for the record, that's after Pinkerton), it's probably the best. Ultimately, however, it's pretty durn forgettable.

Make Believe comes with a MAKING OF! video on it that is a lot of fun to watch if you like to see the band members (except lead singer Rivers Cuomo, because he's too mysterious) talk like what they're saying actually has some weight somewhere in some non-existent time period. Like that ROCKIN' NEW BASSIST WITH THE TATTOOS, Scott Whatsisname who describes something as "super-musical." Other than that, they make lofty statements about how they can't keep making the same record over and over again. That's funny! Considering that's basically what they did!

Like I said, SOME of Maladroit was interesting but overall there's lots of just standard soulless Weezer rock. The Green Album was essentially all like this (or lamer). It just wasn't distorted most of the time which makes it seem a little different but it is really the same poop.

I can sum up this new album for you fairly simply. Beverly Hills is the first track. It's also the new single that has a terrible video. Much like they did with Hash Pipe, this is the really simple, repetitive song that relies on maybe four or five chords and sounds nothing like Weezer once did. This makes it one of the "INTERETSINGNS" songs on the album, which is too bad because it's really very poor.

Beverly Hills and the sixth song, We Are All On Drugs are both a slight variant on the standard Weezer craprock manifesto. For some reason, they are both ANTHEM ROCK style songs. Basically, they are fairly simple sounding songs with very repetitive choruses (for We Are All On Drugs the whole thing is fairly repetitive) so that everyone can sing along after only hearing it once. Beverly Hills goes the extra mile by basically stealing the whole STOMP, STOMP, CLAP sound of We Will Rock You so everybody get ready to dance and sing around the Playboy Mansion together!

The unfortunate thing about these songs is that they are probably some of the best on the album because they are so instantly catchy. They aren't really very GOOD though. We Are All On Drugs has lyrics like this:

When you're out with your friends
In your new Mercedes-Benz
And you're on drugs
And you show up late for school
'cause you think you're really cool
When you're on drugs

And Beverly Hills seems to completely ignore any idea of lyrical congruency (a phrase I made up to make myself look smarter) by just being Rivers basically rambling continually until the chorus. It really looks like he just wrote all this down in one two-minute sitting on a piece of toilet paper or something:

Where I come from isn't all that great
My automobile is a piece of crap
My fasion sense is a little wack
And my friends are just
as screwy as me

The best song on the album is easily This Is Such A Pity. Quite frankly, this is the only one I think I'll be listening to with any frequency. It happens to be the most interesting song as it basically sounds like some kind of silly 80's thing (complete with electronic keyboard dealy) but it's actually fairly decent. I like the part where they go all falsetto for a second! It also probably has the most decent lyrics.

The rest of the album is standard, poor Weezer rock. Perfect Situation and Hold Me are the better tracks of the ones like this but they are aren't even that great.

Rivers evidently spent like three years or something selling all his belongings and not having sex and sleeping naked in a barren apartment on the floor in a sleeping bag naked before re-inserting himself into society and making this album. So, apparently, what we learn here is that doing such a thing results in one coming out with really boring geeky rock. Oh, and really gay song titles and lyrics for girls to feel sympathetic about. Look at some of these!

Hold Me, Peace, The Damage In Your Heart, Pardon Me, My Best Friend!! ALL GAY! And the content of some of these is just atrocious like in Pardon Me where Rivers apologizes to anyone he has ever hurt, oh my oh dear and My Best Friend in which he says "YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND! AND I LOVE YOU! YES I DO!" (no really, just like that) and also says things about being in darkness and about how his friend is "such a blessing." HA! Men are not supposed to talk like that! Hasn't this homo ever heard of "bottling"!? Emotions I mean not like some kind of manufacturing plant that bottles things.

SO! This album is tripe but, I mean, I wasn't expecting anything else really. The only track really worth listening to is This Is Such A Pity and Beverly Hills, Perfect Situation, Hold Me, and We Are All On Drugs basically comprise the first half of the album so if you just hear that, you've gotten more than enough as it's all downhill after that. Apparently, Rivers just churns out songs like a bottling plant churns out bottles of bottle-filler and with most of this album one has to wonder what about these songs made the band decide they were more worthy of putting to compact disc over some of his others. (Just to mention quickly, Freak Me Out is the worst song ever.) The best thing I can really say here is that, to be honest, some of these songs got stuck in my head for a little while AGAINST MY WILL but I was not happy they were there. NOT HAPPY AT ALL.

Weezer basically stopped doing us music listeners any favors long ago. Rivers and friends have always had some kind of issue with fan input and letting it affect their music. The guitarist, Brian Bell, says something on the "Making Of" video about how, in the end, they have to make something that will please themselves. It's nice that he's figured out how art works but it's too bad that what pleases them all is really blase wuss rock.

Blase is a smart word for smarties. Smarties are a delicious candy which are produced in factories in New Jersey and Canada.

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