The only continuous thing here in my ranting section. I will post new "poems" if and when I write them and I encourage you to send me yours! Yay!!! Read it now!


Rant About The British Monarchy - Hello! Gringo here! I wrote a rant! You do not care! Exclamation marks are a nasty!

Why Christmas Sucks (At Least Here) - It's Sopa's turn to get all wound up with angst, here to tell us why the festive season isn't so great in Argentina.

Fuck Summer - The first rant that was actually intended to be a rant from the beginning. Heat is a naughty.

Cell Phones - I wrote this one day after English class. I don't like cell phones. I use a lot of caps here.

MasterCard Needs a New Goddamned Slogan - Easily my most insane rant. It basically alternates between caps and lowercase from sentence to sentence. Not at all easy on the eyes but blissfully short.

A Rant About Websites - I wrote this back when Schmea.com was still around and back when I used to look at our referrers a lot more. I was supposed to rewrite it so that it would be more current but I am too lazy and I've gotten quite busy since then (drugs). It's not really a rant but then it's not really a review either. I honestly really like this crappy article, though, so I figured it should go up somewhere.

That New McDonald's Christmas Commercial - Problem is I HATE EVERYTHING!

A Rant About Vampires - Was this really necessary? Yes it was.

Verizon Commercials With Stupid Man In Them - I hate Verizon's fucking slogan! It makes me very mad!!! Yeah!

Go Away!!! - LoBo does not like crappy, homosexual away messages. Yes, like yours.

Breakfast of Chumps - Jeff wants to know why breakfast cereals aren't the way they used to be. I also wonder this but he's the one who wrote the rant so whaddya gonna do?

University of Jerks! JERKS!!! - LoBo says some things about colleges and you are like what? But he's already gone.

Congratulations, You're an Idiot! - Lauren lumps people into categories and then criticizes them. I think the joke's pretty much there already.

THE BORING - Jeff gets all complainy about the sad state of horror movies today. Even when he's like this, we still love him.

Christmas Sucks 2 - Sopa, our disgruntled friend from Argentina, only comes once every couple of years on Christmas to complain so...yeah, more Holiday-themed rage.

LoBo Rants About Wrestling or TV or College or Shit if I Know - I didn't edit one lick of this. Please enjoy.

I Hate the Superbowl So Much I Should Have a Girlfriend - I (Joe) rant about the Superbowl and football and sports in general (but mostly football and the Superbowl) for quite a long time. The question is...do you care?!? Dun dun DUNNNNNN!!!

My LG Phone is Stupid - Joe nitpicks at length about the design flaws of his LG-brand phone and writes this description in the third person and is entirely aware of how Gringo used to make self-referential jokes about writing in the third person as he does so, so don't even bother mentioning it, not like you were going to.

Never Say Ever Again (a list of quotes that should stop being quoted) - Joe makes a big stink about an issue that is actually a really minor annoyance in his life...then invites you to join him in the fun! Let's see if this will be the first Listen to Me "send us stuff and we will add it" thing to ever actually deliver on its promise!! Taking bets now!

Fuck You, Jersey City is Not Cool - Joe responds in a super-timely fashion to a New York Magazine article about the very neighborhood in which he currently resides! The question is, will anybody notice? Or care?! All signs totally point to "HELL YES!"


The Most Annoying Thing Ever - I put this story up on the door to my dorm room. Someone tore it down.

Some Story About Monkeys - This is old. This is stupid. Why I bothered to put it up here I don't know. It's not that story you've probably seen around the web somewhere about a guy getting a bunch of free monkeys that all die and then he can't figure out what to do with the corpses. The difference here is that that story is actually funny.

A Story About Ronald Reagan - This is also old. Don't read it.

Toaster Without a Cause - This is, amazingly enough, an actual genuine story that I wrote for a prose writing class. So it's pretty lengthy but it's also actually legible, which is something you don't usually find anywhere else on this site. I guess it's funny too. I dunno. This should at least demonstrate that I'm not completely dumb. I'm only about like 80%.

A Sandwich Like No Other - Here is a more or less rhyming story about a sandwich. I want people to draw pictures for it. Come on, I'm serious. Waste your time with me. It'll be fun. Incidentally, I say the same thing when I try to pick up girls. Just kidding. I don't talk to girls.

Public Domain Story Time: Little Red Riding Hood - Jeff retells the classic story of Little Red Riding Hood. And by "retells" I mean "adds the word 'rape'."


Eugene Victor Debs - Dan rambles on about someone he calls "the coolest American ever".

Utensils - Love them or make love to them!

Roof Nazis - Some nonsense written by Lauren.


Joe's Serious Poetry - I have many conflicting demons inside me. My poetry helps to release them...in some small way.

Haikus Of Doom - I (Gringo) was sent these haikus a long, long time ago. I have no idea why they were sent to me, but assuming they were a guest submission of sorts, they have found a home here.

More Haikus Of Doom - Don't start thinking this is the end. There's a third set coming eventually.

Even More Haikus Of Doom - Okay, that should be all.


This website is © 2001-2008 Listen To Me. All pictures, sounds and other stuff which doesn't belong to us is © its respective owner(s). Everything else is a free-for-all. Steal anything we created (as if you'd ever want to) and we'll...well, we probably won't be motivated to do anything. But you never know. And yes, that is Colonel Sanders throwing a punch at this copyright notice. SMACK