MasterCard Needs A New Goddamned Slogan
Writing this in under ten minutes: Priceless.
Written By: Joe

IS IT JUST ME OR IS MASTERCARD A COMPANY FULL OF FAT PEOPLE WITH DUMB HEADS WHO FART ON SQUIRRELS, HUH?! I THINK IT IS!!! Remember when they came up with that great little slogan thing where they tell you a bunch of stuff that costs money and then something that's priceless at the end and then they say they can pay for the money stuff because they are a credit card company but for the priceless stuff you're just fucking screwed?! YES, YOU REMEMBER. It inspired all sorts of parodies and shit like that and everyone said "OH MASTERCARD YOU ROCKIN' MY WORLD WIT CHO SASSY WAYS!" At least I think everyone said that. I know I did!!!!

Now I'm seeing a lot more of these commercials lately. New ones. I don't know why they all of a sudden came out all at once. It's like the ad guys all got brain exlax and the ideas just came squirting out. But with exlax you don't get anything solid so they just have more recycled ideas with the stupid "priceless" slogan. I say it is time to retire this damn thing because it's just not even cute anymore (to be honest, I never really thought it was that great in the first place).

I just saw one where they SWITCHED IT UP LIKE A BIZZATCH ON ME and said EVERY SINGLE THING in the commercial was priceless!! HOLY CRAPASS! SO THAT MEANS I DON'T NEED MASTERCARD ANYMORE?! In addition, one of those things was a sports car or something. THE MAN BOUGHT A SPORTS CAR. THAT COSTS MONEY. MASTERCARD, YOU'RE NOT MAKING SENSE ANY LONGER, MASTERCARD. END IT NOW, MASTERCARD, END IT NOW.

I would like a new slogan where a lot of things blow up and then they show the MasterCard logo. In fact I would like this for every thing ever. BOOM! You buy now! KAPOWY! Purchase this! It is good, hmm? Now then! What is the following an impression of? "CAPS! Lowercase. CAPS CAPS CAPS CAPS!!!!! Lowercase. CAPS!!!!!!! CAPS CAPS CAPS CAPS CAPS!!!!" THAT'S RIGHT! This article!!!! YES!! INDEED!!! YES!! INDEED YES!!! Yes. INDEED!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Lord, what have I done? I am so sorry. Please go now. I am sorry.


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