Never Say Ever Again
(a list of quotes that should stop being quoted)

Review By: Joe

You are all unoriginal pieces of crap. As such, you think it's sooooooooooo funny to quote something by someone who is funnier than you.

"Oh, shmooglinz! If I repeat this thing what has been established as funny by the general population I will, by extension, be funny as well!!! YES! HERE COME THE LADIES!"

Well, ladies or no, YOU ARE STUPID WRONG.

Quoting stuff is not cool or smart or funny. In fact, it is the death of society. THE DEATH!!! Don't you see that repeating something simply because you believe other people will be familiar with it so that you can get a laugh YOU DID NOT EVEN EARN is the LAMEST THING EVER? EVEN LAMER THAN THE HOLOCAUST??? It signifies a complete absence of originality and creativity! And that means no change! And that means conservatism! AND THAT MEANS THE END OF US ALL.

Okay, so quoting things can be OKAY if, for example, whatever you find so funny or cool is still very fresh in your mind and you are with people who agree with you and still want to talk about the cool parts of a movie you saw not long ago. Yes, fine. Of course you might quote parts. Ok. But after a point, it should STOP.

After such a crossroads (one signpost says "MORE LAME QUOTING" and the other says "SALVATION") has been reached, quoting should really only be done when it is APPLICABLE. If you take a quote from something funny and use it in an appropriate situation, that can be creative and really quite funny and I permit it.

For example, when walking past my roommate in the hall I once said "GET OUT OF MY WAAAY!!!" like the guy in that old episode of The Simpsons who says this and then proceeds to beat co-workers in the head with a fire extinguisher. This is probably not the best example in the world, I'm sure funnier things have happened, but, still, you see, I wanted him to get out of the way so the quote was appropriate in this case! APPROPRIATE AND WONDERFUL!!!

IF YOUR LAME QUOTING DOES NOT FIT EITHER OF THE ABOVE REQUIREMENTS, YOU SHOULD BE BANISHED TO REHASHESBURG WHERE ALL THE LAMES GO TO LIVE TOGETHER IN IDENTICAL HOUSES AND EVERYBODY SPEAKS ONLY IN QUOTES FROM RECENT HOLLYWOOD COMEDIES AND REMAKES STAY IN THE THEATERS FOR SIX MONTHS AND COVER BANDS ARE WORSHIPPED LIKE GODS!!!

Also, you can read some nonsense I made that had the same basic point to it RIGHT HERE!!!!!! in my lame blog that I never update anymore ever.

Now I have compiled for you a list of quotes that have been said WAY TOO OFTEN and should NEVER BE SAID BY ANYBODY EVER, EVER AGAIN, regardless of the situation. I would love to add to this list. You can be a sexy honey and tell me more stuff to put in this list in this thread I made in our lousy forum. I suppose you could also e-mail me too. Anyway, I will put your suggestions through a strict-as-hell screening process and if I agree with you I will put it up because it is my site and what I say is gospel. I will TOTALLY give you internet credit too. And internet credit is the most valuable credit out there, right? Probably.

HERE IS THE LIST!!!!!!!

"This one time at band camp..."

HA FUCKING HA!!! I don't even know what prompted the quoting of this movie at all considering it WASN'T EVEN FUNNY IN THE FIRST PLACE (considering that I can't think of any other quotes I've heard people spout from this film should be a good indicator of the quality of the overall product). The fact that the line people latched onto was some shit that was barely even a joke said by a person who can't even act and isn't even really that hot except sometimes I guess and was on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which is probably one of the worst shows in television history, serves to compound (and compound and compound) the atrociousness of this quote. The filmmakers were so aware of the popularity of this irritating bit of script that they made a whole (straight to DVD) movie based around the trollop!

GOOD JOB, TARDS!! THE MOVIE MOGULS THANK YOU FOR BEING SO CLEAR ABOUT WHAT WOULD MARKET MOST EASILY TO YOU!!!

"I believe you have my stapler."

I WOULD LOVE TO STAPLE YOUR STUPID MOUTH SHUT! HA HA!! I HATE YOU!

You posers didn't even see Office Space in theaters like I did so I have a right to act like I am superior than you are. Yes, it was funny, but it wasn't the best movie in the world either and is undeserving of gradually gaining the cult following it has and also Milton isn't even the funniest part of it. What about the guy who lives next door to the main character?! He's funny!

My hatred of this quote was solidified when, at Christmas, my dorky-ass cousin talked about how he dressed up as Milton for Halloween and then proceeded to quote the blaspheline in question. And his whole family just laaaaughed and laaaughed. "OH HA HA GOOD JOB REMINDING ME OF THAT PART FROM A MOVIE SOMEONE WHO WASN'T ANY OF US WROTE AND DIRECTED!" Not to mention his impression of Milton sucked.

"The first rule of ______ is you do not talk about ______."

Fight Club is one of those movies that I felt like a tool for liking a lot because I found out pretty much everyone likes it a lot. I've gotten over that feeling more or less, however, because although it's hardly a perfect film, it is cool and fun to watch and it ends with a Pixies song.

Anyway, people still seem to think it's funny to take this line from the movie and replace "Fight Club" with something like "Board Meeting at Six O'Clock" and then e-mail it around to their entire office. Well, it isn't. So stop it.

"Can you hear me now?"

I already wrote about this hellish ad campaign some time ago and I believe my argument still stands. If you say this into your cell phone or anywhere else, you are a tool of the highest order. It's not even funny! You're just buying into what a company, a shitty company I might add, has thought would be a catchy slogan to stick into your consumeriffic head and, whaddya know, they were right!! You suck!!!

Pretty much anything from Austin Powers.

This is yet another film that I have the GODDAMNED RIGHT to be all haughty about because I saw it in theaters (I have a button to prove it) and NOBODY ELSE DID. I thought it was funny and I thought quoting it was awesome BACK WHEN IT FIRST CAME OUT AND I WAS LIKE FOURTEEN.

Just about anything from any of these movies is OFF-LIMITS, YOU HEAR ME? "Yeah, baby," "groovy, baby," "one million dollars," "shagadelic," the shh-ing sequence, "get in my belly," "bong and a blintz," ALL OF IT IS FUBAR!!! NEVER AGAIN!!!

Just about all of Napoleon Dynamite.

Napoleon Dynamite really isn't a very good movie. As far as looks go, it's boring and, script-wise, the narrative is exceptionally flat and there aren't so much jokes as there are people saying relatively normal things in funny voices. I don't hate the movie and people talking like idiots can be funny. There's just nothing very smart about this movie and nothing that should have people as into it as they are. Also, it kickstarted the shitstorm that is Jon Heder's career, which is sort of unforgivable. Not to mention the fact that this is a Mormon production. I mean, honestly now.

I am against the following phrases in Napoleon-style speech: "gosh," "god," and "idiot" and I am against this stuff altogether: "do the chickens have large talons?" "vote for Pedro" (if you wear a shirt with this on it, it is like you are going around saying it all the time, assface), "heck yes," anything in reference to Napoleon's llama, and "I caught you a delicious bass."

But, really, just about anything from this movie is offensive just because everyone knows what you're talking about and you aren't cool for making reference to a movie that only came out two years ago. I do have to admit that I still have a soft spot for "your mom goes to college," though.

"Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?"

Like Fight Club, Donnie Darko is another film that I sort of wish I didn't like because it's like SUPERCOOL for my generation. But, again, oh well, it's a cool flick and it's fun to watch.

No, I haven't actually heard anybody say the quote in question out loud. However, if I'm saying "Vote for Pedro" is annoying when on a shirt, I might as well mention this as an internet annoyance. This is the kind of line that sounds really deep and awesome and save the environment so a lot of stupid kids have it as their signature on a forum or in their profile on the AOL Instant Messenger. Too bad it's actually one of the lamer lines in the movie! It actually makes no sense within the context of the film and sort of seems like it was put in deliberately to mislead the viewer. Which is kind of not cool.

All in all, I only have to read this one so it's not as big a deal.

"Blast you, vile woman!" and probably anything else from Family Guy.

I'll be honest I haven't heard a lot of people quoting Family Guy, aside from the one Stewie line I mentioned (which also shows up on t-shirts a fair bit), but I'm sure someone's doing it somewhere and this show doesn't even deserve it, so I thought I'd nip this one in the bud. Plus, all the Stewie and Peter impressions tend to fall on the side of being just plain deplorable.

ONCE AGAIN, VISIT THIS LOUSY FORUM THREAD OR E-MAIL MY ASS IF YOU WANT TO ADD TO MY COOL LIST. IF YOU WANT TO REFUTE MY COOL LIST, GO AHEAD, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I'LL LISTEN. I AM PIGHEADED THAT WAY.


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