Bazooka Joe
Review By: Jeff

Bazooka Bubblegum sucks and seeing as I haven't exposed myself to a piece of it in years, I forgot just how bad this shit was. Yeah it's got flavor to it for about three minutes then it begins to taste like aluminum foil and last time I checked, the package said Bubblegum not Reynolds Wrap. Add that to how it sticks to every fucking thing like glue and you've got yourself one hell of a winner. Seriously though, this crap will fuck up your carpet worse than Green Slime fucked up your Mossman figure.

As disgusting as the gum is, the comics that come packaged with each piece achieve a whole new level of Retarditude. Each and every one is worse then being poked in the eye with a kitchen knife and I should know a thing or two about horrible comics, I make them for this very site. Each comic follows the "wacky" adventures of Bazooka Joe and his Gang as they...go fishing and talk, I'm sure this was considered "hip and with it" in the 50's but so was helping old people and placing bets on horse races using a sports almanac from the future. Here's an example comic for anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about:

FORTUNE: EVERYONE YOU KNOW IS OUT TO KILL YOU. THEY WILL SUCCEED.

After you've spit out the gum and said, "This is the stupidest thing I've ever read" you can use the comics to send away for some crap. Yes for only a handful of comics and a check/money order you can send away for stuff that's twice the price it would normally be. I can get a baseball for ten bucks and twenty-five comics. SOLD!

All right, time to wrap this, in short Bazooka Bubblegum is the equivalent of MTV's Movie Awards: Bland and Unfunny.


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