Sadly, (or happily if you are Fred Phelps) not much good transpired
throughout 2005. A lot of people died due to the fact that these are the
End Times before the return of our Lord Jeeeezzuuuss and the world must
repent by killing all homosexuals or great horrors will befall all humanity
even if they are completely hetero. It would seem the whole world did
nothing but get drunk in church, preach sermons in bars and update their
awful LiveJournals in 2005. Jesus predicted this would happen.
1.) HURRICANE KATRINA
Hahaha, take THAT New Orleans, evil city of sodomy and fornication! Thy evil was thrice that of Sodom, thy wicked sister and the Wrath of the Lord has befallen thee. This event was a great highlight for fundamentalists and racists worldwide and this smashing blockbuster will live long in the collective memory of all those of finer taste when it comes to natural disasters. Although disappointingly the death toll hardly even skimmed a fraction of the figures of last year's TSUNAMI '04: Wipeout Indonesia Wipeout! classic, Katrina is sure to be nominated for many Disaster Awards with Ray Nagin tipped to win Greatest Contributor Due To Hilarious Incompetence.
2.) BRITNEY SPEARS GIVES BIRTH!
LIKE OH MY GAAAWWWD WOW. A baby boy! Whooooot! That sure had me in tears. Praise Jesus.
3.) NAZI POPE APPOINTED
SIEG HEIL! That foolish old Pole finally croaked and with the appointment of Ratzinger, a member of the Hitler Youth League, Catholicism suddenly seemed cool. How he was cheered throughout the streets of Munich with swastikas proudly adorned everywhere. Undesirables everywhere ran into hiding as the Rottweiler of God swore vengeance against International Zionism. A proud day for Germany and the Catholic Reich.
1.) EDDIE GUERRERO DIES
His death is only due to Satan's continued presence in this world. That was a sad, sad day and the WWE has not been the same without him. He will go down as the third greatest Mexican wrestler ever. RIP Senor, we miss you.
2.) TONY BLAIR WINS AGAIN
The UK only gets more and more sickening. Unsurprisingly, gay marriage has now been approved and drinking on public transport banned. Actually, ALL politics seemed to suck this year, especially Germany's.
3.) PUKE OF HAZZARD MOVIE
This was nothing short of outrageous blasphemy! How could they possibly killed an American legend with this shameful trashy horror!? Simply ghastly! How could a movie which would only appeal to rednecks be directed by a Sri Lankan? I will not take THIS lying down!
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