Let's Talk About Jesus
By: Kris Wilson

Let's face it. Sex is in. It's as in as the color black, Hello Kitty, and natural disasters. I don't know which is better, sex or Hello Kitty? Maybe sex with a Hello Kitty? I am getting ahead of myself.


Hubba hubba.

Recently all this came into mind when I noticed the variety of propaganda involving the dirty deed. Do you not have any idea what I'm talking about?


Mmm

I must draw your attention to the flavors. You can choose from a variety of delicious penis themes like rubber chocolate, rubber cola, and even rubber banana. I want to buy these from a clerk.

Clerk: "What flavor do you want?"

Me: "I dunno, what's your favorite flavor?"
*Lick your lips*

In fact, I'd be half tempted to just unravel one and slide that on my hand for a tasty treat. I am almost 100% sure if you put a banana condom over a banana it would increase the deliciousness tenfold. And if you don't like bananas I am positive you'll love penis. They should make a spinach-flavored condom. Then again, Popeye still hasn't returned my calls.


Schwoooooooooong!

This is one of my favorites. This came into mind when I had a disturbing conversation with an old clerk who works at a Maverick gas station at 2 in the morning. She mentioned how she has seen one before. I hope she wasn't talking about on someone. That's just what I need bouncing around in my brain when I go to sleep. Although I must admit, your lady will definitely be impressed with your mighty light saber. I hope it comes in sith colors. No pun intended. This is ridiculous in so many ways, and awesome in so many more. It's ridiculous in the sense that it's like having a glow in the dark spoon because you can't find your mouth in the dark. But I'd feel mighty bad ass with one of these on like fucking orcs are near.

So now, I just wear these every night as a night-light. Keeps the monsters under my bed not knowing what the fuck.


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