Southern Xmas Shall Rise Again
Written By: Darth-Phenom

It was the silent Christmas night
But no one put up a fight
When Santa raped elves in his sleigh
He cried to the moon "Ole, Ole!"
On Blixen, on Demetrius, on Frey
His time was certainly gay
Until he lost himself in the moonshine
And crashlanded in the watery brine
And the newborn King began to cry
As his momma's virgin breasts were dry
And even the angels stopped to sing
After Santa went for his fling

But lo, a candle flame of hope was seen in darkest night
So the children would not need to scream in fright
For hope was found within a far-off pole
Too cold for even a mole
And within a shroud of snow and ice
A darkened figure would role the dice
"Ah hah! Now my time draws near!"
"They will beg for all they hold dear!"
He roared in triumphant exclaim
As now he would achieve his fame

The secret long buried within the south
Would finally have its mouth
For as Argentina and Australia would drink their rum
Finally the time of the Dark One had come
Now the North would quake and fear
The newfound strength of the neglected sphere
Could be blamed on a trusted Saviour
Who indeed wielded a blazing spear

"Hark! Now despair, ye fearful ones
'For I have come to drink your rums
'I bring no toys like your jolly St. Nick
'For I am quite the dick
'My name ye shall know it well
'As in India do pagans dwell
'My name, Xanta Klaus, remember
'As your toys be burned to embers!"

And so across the northern sphere
Would flash evil Klaus's dreaded spear
Fine rums he would pursue and drink
While washing gnomes down the sink
On Tyrone, on Scorpion, on Bezelbub
Anime would be broadcast dubbed
The fanboys would scream in terror
Never realising their folly and error

For on this night the South would reign supreme
It was certainly not a dream
And Klaus smirked as his demons did flick
The drunken remains of poor Jolly St. Nick


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