Gringo's Eighth Oscar Prediction Funfest
Written By: Gringo

Well, the 80th Academy Awards sure punched me in the testicles by awarding Diablo Cody the trinket for best original screenplay for her atrocious hipster-fest Juno despite my strong protestations against doing so in last year's Oscar prediction piece.

Given that historic background -- and my rather piss-poor prediction success -- you probably shouldn't pay a lot of attention to this article. What's new, right? Ha, you're a funny prick. We should totally friend each other on Facebook. Maybe I can throw zombies at you, or you can tag me in a list of 25 things that make me dislike you now I know them.

But it's the 81st Academy Awards, and if LTM is based on anything, it's cheap Guatemalan labor and tradition. Every year since this site launched I've written a prediction piece, usually tapping one of the more obscure award categories.

This year, I tried to find the category with the least number of nominees. So that's why you're about to hear my thoughts on the three candidates for best animated film.

The Academy Award for Best Animated Feature Film
Bolt
Kung Fu Panda
Wall-E

Because the Oscars are only a few hours away, this is going to be my briefest prediction piece yet. Hooray for Hollywood!

Bolt

This is the story of a dog. John Travolta provides the voice of said canine. That's pretty much all I know about this movie, and I doubt I'll see it for quite some time. Plus, it's got a near-zero chance of winning the award, but more on that in a moment.

Chance of winning: 5%

Kung Fu Panda

Take a look at that poster. Take a look at the title of this movie. And then join with me as you let out a deep sigh and mutter the words "Oh, for fuck's sake."

Chance of winning: 5%

Wall-E

This movie is why I'm making the article very brief (well, that, and extreme laziness). There's no way that Wall-E fails to beat the other two to pick up the award today. It's an utterly charming film, and proves that you don't need a fat cunt panda doing kung fu or a dog voiced by a Scientologist nut to produce a genuinely perfect piece of cinema.

Chance of winning: 90%

But Gringo! The excitement! Who will win?!

Really? You're still asking? You're stupider than I thought.


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