Jon Stewart LIVE!!!
Written By: Joe

I like The Daily Show. It's a really good show and probably one of the wittier programs on television today. Jon Stewart is the host of this show and he seems like a funny guy so it sure sounded awful nifty when I heard that he was going to be performing at my college. I am confused as to how the school managed this but...whatever. Anyway, I read on this wonderful little helpful pamphlet that he would be performing here on October 20th at 9 PM. Now that is special. So the night of October 20th rolls around and I am all ready to go see Jon Stewart LIVE!!!. Well, I am afraid that I must deduce that Jon Stewart LIVE!!! sucked ASS!!! Reason being, I didn't see it.

Apparently, there's something in show business known as 'tickets' and sometimes you have to buy these 'tickets' BEFORE the show...like LONG before the show...like SEPTEMBER 25th. Now I didn't actually get the little pamphlet I had that told me when the show was until October 19th when my parents visited and gave me it (although I assume I could've picked it up somewhere on campus, had I known). This is all part of parents' weekend, you see, where your parents come to see you at college and remind you they're still alive and that they can still make your life a living hell within five seconds of opening their mouths.

Now, had I read the entire description of Jon Stewart LIVE!!! I might have realized that I had no friggin' chance of getting in considering the tickets started selling on fucking SEPTEMBER 25th. Interestingly enough, my mother didn't notice it either. "WHY DO YOU NOT GO TO JON STEWART LIVE!!! TOMORROW, JOE IT WILL MAKE YOU SIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!!!" At any rate, I realized my folly when I walked up to the theater and noticed people with tickets and actually saw some other kid get told he needed a ticket and then walk away so I am not the only total loser!

Anyway, I will now review the show regardless. Jon Stewart LIVE!!! sucked hard. Jon Stewart came out and farted on the audience and then yelled "EAT THE FART!!! EAT THE FART!!!!!" This is not very witty, Jon Stewart. It sounds like something I would make up. I do not think Jon Stewart did much else except tell elephant jokes. Those are always bad. I will have to give Jon Stewart LIVE!!! eighty-seven thumbs down. I mean, how good could Jon Stewart LIVE!!! be if we got him to perform at a freaking college? His career must be going downhill fast. I didn't even want to see Jon Stewart.

Instead of going to see Jon Stewart LIVE!!!, I got to come back to my room and listen to women on the college radio talk about wanting to have sex with Jamaican men (no, I'm serious). At one point one said, "Oh and there's some comedian at the university...John...Adams??". No. He was the second president of the United States.

After that I took Advil and listened to The Pixies. The Pixies are always better than Jon Stewart LIVE!!!. Too bad they broke up.


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