Gringo's Fourth Oscar Prediction Funfest
Written By: Gringo

Did you know you can now rent porn movies online, in a similar manner to renting regular movies through Netflix? I love modern technology. So! The Oscars are upon us once more, and as we all know, the altar of celebrity and cinema is one everyone, ever, must pray at. For that reason, you get my fourth - damn, it really is the fourth one - article in which I predict the winner of some obscure or boring Oscar category. It's also a chance for me to show I know absolutely nothing about the technical aspects of movies. Okay! So this year I decided to opt for the film editing Oscar. So let's take a look at who is nominated, shall we?!

The Academy Award For Best Film Editing - Nominees
The Aviator
Collateral
Finding Neverland
Million Dollar Baby
Ray

Another benefit of these articles is that they're essentially ways for me to review movies I've seen but limiting the write-up to less than 200 words. That's much better than the jokeless essays I write about other fine productions. At this point I would like to ask Chris Rock (who is a huge fan of LTM, naturally) to not suck when he hosts the Oscars. The only person who gets anywhere near being a decent host is Steve Martin, and even he only cracked one decent joke the last time he hosted the awards (the one about Tubs McLeary Michael Moore being bundled into a car trunk...how I wish that was true).

The Aviator

Before I get started on this movie's chances, I'd like to say a huge THANK YOU (notice the capital letters, I sincerely mean it) for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences' members for not giving that obnoxious, hypocritcal jerk Moore's misinformed Farenheit 9/11 a single award. Yay! You know that Moore refused to have his movie nominated for Best Documentary because he - typically modestly - said "Oh! My movie is a docu-certain! Best Picture only, please!". Don't get me wrong, I'm no Bush lover, but Moore is just a huge asshole. Anyway! The Aviator! This movie is three hours long, but it is a super-duper time! Apparently there are a bunch of fancy tricks used in the editing, which include making the movie look like it was shot in different periods of history, so hooray for that. Next!

Chance of winning: 40%

Collateral

Wow, this is the first I've written one of these here Oscar things when I've actually seen each movie I'm talking about. Also, do you like the fact that I alternate between the word film and movie all the time? Yeah, you do! Anyway, this was an okay movie, although my viewing of it was limited to one of those crappy tiny television sets you get built in to an airplane seat. This movie, she is okay! There is some fancy editing in scenes like the shoot-out in the nightclub, and if you haven't seen Collateral you'll have no idea what I'm talking/writing about, so let's move on swiftly, shall we? Worst article ever.

Chance of winning: 20%

Finding Neverland

I don't know how crazy-mad the Academy is for movies that, at least to me, are kind of weird in a "why is this grown man so interested in young boys?" way. Maybe it's the Michael Jackson in me, but I thought that was a bit unsettling. And by the way, I've never had Michael Jackson inside me. Damn, this paragraph is unfunny. Anyway, this is a colorful movie in parts but the only real scene that exhibited any shimmy-shimmy ending was probably the blend between real life and Neverland, but...oh I can't be bothered to continue writing about this movie. It's not going to win this award because...yes.

Chance of winning: 20%

Million Dollar Baby

Clint Eastwood looks rather old these days, but proving that age has nothing to do with credibility (look at Paris Hilton; that slutwhore is 10 years old and has none), the movies he directs continue to be winners. Time for serious talk! While The Aviator is impressive film-making, it's a pretty soulless movie. Seriously, who gives a fuck about some billionaire kook who liked storing his pee in bottles and making terrible movies? Million Dollar Baby, on balance, is the better movie and that's why it deserves to win Best Picture, although Scorcese - given the scope of the movie he made - deserves Best Director. But who deserves the Best Film Editing award? Not you, Mr. Eastwood!

Chance of winning: 10%

Ray

A little sidenote; Jamie Foxx will win the Best Actor. Was his role in the Ray Charles biopic Ray outstanding? It was okay! But here's the real reason; Foxx meets the Academy's checklist for being a winner on the night: He's black! He's playing a guy with a disability! He sings his own songs! The guy he's playing died! Anyway, in terms of film editing, I don't really know how this movie could win, even given my feeble grasp on understanding what film editing does. I don't remember being particularly impressed by what I was seeing on screen - at least, visually - and as we all know, my opinion matters always. Take that, you blind piano-playing trickster!

Chance of winning: 10%

But Gringo! The excitement! Who will win?!

This is where I make my obligatory joke about the fact you can't count if you don't realise who I think will win the Best Film Editing award. Despite the fact that probably nobody except those grizzled old editors nominated care who takes home the award, I think The Aviator will take the title on the night. Plus, if it does, it will bring my prediction success rate with these articles back up to 50%. In 2002, I correctly guessed the Best Makeup winner (1 in 1 = 100%!), then in 2003 got the Best Animated Feature Film hopelessy wrong (1 in 2 = 50%!) then in 2004 got the Best Music (Song) wrong also (1 in 3 = 25%!), so if I get it right this year that makes 2 in 4 or 50%! AAAAAAAAAAAGH ALL THE MATHS I THINK MY FACE IS GOING TO EXPLODE! Psssssst...Chris Rock, please don't suck as host. Au revoir!


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