Gillette M3 Power Razor
Review By: Joe

Only homosexual babies shave with electric razors! Now this is a proven FACT, brother! Manual is the way to go and anybody who is anymonkey knows it is manual or it is the highway for jerks! And on a highway full of jerks, everybody is an inconsiderate driver!!

If the jerk highway doesn't convince you (and quite frankly I don't see how it couldn't), I will explain with real-style English. Manual razors give you closer shaves because you take a razor and you CARVE INTO YOUR FACE WITH IT. A pussy electric razor just lightly tickles you and gets off the surface hair. You need to get in there and destroy the face. With an electric razor, I tend to find that I am already fairly stubbly on my second day whereas with la manuale I can easily shave one day and then not the next and be fine. I still pretty much have to shave every other day to keep up my sexy appearence that has thus far benefited me not at all whatsoever but that is better than feeling like I need to go over my face with a stupid electric dancemachine every day.

Everybody I have ever known in my life who is male and shaves the way one should seems to own Gillette's Mach 3 razor or some variant of this. I don't know that the Mach 3 is REALLY a lot better than most other manual razors because there are THREE BLADES IN IT WOW! but I do know that it definitely does the job. Overall, it is a quality razor.

Mach 3 comes in about fifty-thousand different styles. There is the standard Mach 3 and then there is Mach 3 Turbo and Mach 3 something else and Mach 3 Sex Machine and one is colored red and so forth and so on. Well, the sexiest and best and most expensive one is supposed to be the Gillette M3 Power (a Mach 3 innovation). Well, people I live with were lauding the amazingness of this razor so I went and bought one. Actually, I went and bought one for my dad for Christmas because he has the crappiest razor ever and it hurts my face but he got a free regular style Mach 3 in the mail and he is a minimalist so he didn't care about the POWER. SO I TOOK IT.

So what is the big deal about the Gillette M3 Power (a Mach 3 innovation)? Well! IT VIBRATES!!! It sort of takes that which an electric razor does (but not really) and puts it into a manual one. SUPPOSEDLY, this vibrating (which is powered by one AAA battery and is activated simply by the press of a little button on the handle) causes the hair to RAISE UP OUT OF YOUR FUCKING FACE so that you cut more of it better and nicer.

Sounds like poppycock, does it not? Well, do not judge so easily! Actually do. Because I've decided. It is poppycock.

Just because some silly commercial throws some gloopanonsense at you about hair-raising madness, one's perception should not be altered. It has done this to people I know. "OH IT IS THE BEST SHAVE I EVER GOTTEN!" Is it, pally!? IS IT REEEEAAALLY?! I even thought maybe it helped a bit. My initial thought was, with regular Mach 3 I pretty much have to shave every other day but with this one I SHOULD shave every other day but on the third day, if I happen to miss, it only really becomes PROBLEMATIC (OH THAT HAIR IS AN OBSTACLE) once the day has worn on some.

WELL, after thinking this I one time used my dad's old school Mach 3 and found out that I got the exact same effect. So my conclusion is that the M3 Power does NOTHING BETTER AT ALL. It just costs more.

Actually, one thing I do think it does, maybe because of the crazy vibration, is cause the blades to dull a lot quicker. Thus, you end up using more blades and I also think that if you buy the M3 Power specific ones (although all Mach 3 blades fit all Mach 3 razors, honey), they might actually cost more so I believe this silly vibratin' is all a scheme to get more money out of me. ME SPECIFICALLY.

GO TO HELL GILLETTE! HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS MY EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!


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