Degrassi: The Next Generation
Review By: Joe

Listen, okay? Degrassi: The Next Generation is pretty much the best show ever, end of discussion. And yet the review goes on! How unfortunate!

For those of you unfamiliar with it, Degrassi is a CANADIAN series starring ALL CANADIANS. If it wasn't readily apparent to you, that means it's naturally HILARIOUS. You Canucks can deny it all you want but you say "abutt." It's not really "aboot." That's going a bit too far. It's really more like "abutt." Actually, I'm really not even sure how I'd write it. Let's just say, y'all sound funny and different-like to me, hyuck! You also say "sooorry" instead of "sorry" and with all the fucked up shit going on in Degrassi people tend to be sooorry a lot. HILARIOUS!

Also, a lot of the kids are funny lookin' (CANADIAN) but some of them, like Emma, have grown up to become hottiez and I have to commend the casting people for picking realistic looking children and not stone cold hotters (hotters, yes). Anyway, some of the kids will get a laugh out of you just because of their faces. LOOK AT THE KID WHO PLAYS TOBY! HAHAHAHA!

The Degrassi series is a long and funny sounding one. It began, I think, all the way back in the late 70's with some show called Kids of Degrassi Street and then went to Degrassi Junior High, Degrassi High, a movie called Degrassi: School's Out! and now we have Degrassi: The Next Generation. I haven't seen the older shows but some of the people who played kids on it now play adults on the new one and considering how phenomenal it is, I want to get the old ones on DVD. YES I DO.

In America, Degrassi shows on THE-N which is a channel not many basic cable providers have but it's basically like a midway point between Nickelodeon and MTV. All That! is not cool enough for you anymore (WHAT!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!) but you haven't gotten all your pubes yet? The-N is your stomping grounds, baby.

ANYHOO, Degrassi is abutt kids who I THINK are first in junior high and then I THINK move on to high school. Now these kids have some PROBLEMS, let me tell you. Drugs (although I feel there could be more of that), abusive parents, being bi-polar, getting shot, getting pregnant and getting an abortion (BANNED IN AMERICA,YOU RIGHT-WING SONS OF BITCHES), and all other sorts of horrible stuff! Also, a fat girl gets pushed onto a rock. The-N's tagline for the show is "It goes there." and quite frankly, yes, it does!

Initially, if you see the show come on TV you will probably at first just laugh at the Canadians and the amazing amount of crazy and terrible things that happen in one half hour and this is certainly one way to really enjoy yourself. However, if you stick with it, you'll come to find, to your horror, that you actually care about what's going on and are interested to see what's going to happen to the characters next. NO, SERIOUSLY.

DEGRASSI IS A WELL DONE SHOW. I MEAN IT GETS CANADIAN AWARDS ALL THE DAMN TIME. It's basically some crazy teenage soap opera and, sure, all these terrible things happening in one school to all the same group of kids isn't very realistic but the situations and the way they are handled are. This actually is a good show for parents to watch with their kids, I'd say. SURE, it is edgy but your kids should know about some of this shit and who better to teach them than television!? WHO, HUH?!

Also, I originally thought one of the show's shortcomings was that the crazy things the kids do (like when Ashley takes E!!!) sometimes come completely out of left field and that the characters were, therefore, poorly written. I realized, however, that this is really quite accurate. A person's teenage years are easily their most irrational and many rash decisions and mood swings come about without any second thoughts. In the end, there really aren't many holes in the DRAMA of Degrassi. It's damn fine stuff, brother, damn fine stuff.

I know some of you will think I am one of those men-loving men if you happen to see this show but, seriously, watch it a few times. I CHALLENGE YOU to not eventually get drawn in. During the recent Degrassi marathon, in which they showed almost the whole damn series three nights in a row, myself and one of my friends indulged in Degrassi while our other friend refused to let himself be drawn in BUT EVENTUALLY HE TOO SUCCUMBED TO DEGRASSI. NIGGA, YOU CAN'T ESCAPE IT!

I wanted to discuss the characters individually as they are all hilarious in their own ways but I've already written enough here and, frankly, THIS SITE does it all with a panache I can only dream of.

Instead, I will end by telling you several of my ideas for Degrassi: The Next Generation The Movie:

1. One of the major conflicts in the film will come about from one of the characters pretending to make up a joke only for it to BLOW UP IN HIS FACE when his friends discover he stole it from an episode of Saturday Night Live (or its Candian equivalent, Hey, Let's All Have Some Laughs Tonight, Eh?). A murder may somehow arise from all of this.

2. Paige will be played by a pig.

3. At some point, randomly, a montage of fat girls getting pushed onto rocks will occur.

4. The word "Degrassi" will be repeated by the characters much more often than it usually is on the show. In particular, one scene will feature a character running out of the school and an overhead shot will show him looking up into the and sky and screaming "DEGRAAAAAASIIIIIII!!!!!"

5. Craig's name will be changed to "Craigzy," effectively combining the words "Craig" and "crazy" once and for all, thereby shortening his overall screentime.

6. Ashley, Emma, and Manny shower scene.

7. Liberty dies.

8. Craigzy goes so crazy he starts flying somehow.

9. Every sentence will contain a word with the letters "ou" in it and the word "sorry." Ex: "Sorry about that."

10. I join the scene discussed in number 6. about halfway through.

11. Once number 10. occurs, the cameras will be turned off (so ashamed).


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